I DO LOVE TO COMMUNICATE (& SIMPLIFY!)
Welcome to the grab bag
Use the search bar or scroll down to read my unpacking of current politics, cyclical living, and #liesthepatriarchytoldme.
On icebergs…
When I’m stuck in my head, when I’ve been lacking in connection (and unable to reach out, because isn’t that a fun quandary of mental health struggles – I want to connect but I can’t initiate nor can I respond to someone else initiating. Neat.) it’s easy for me to feel like clearly everyone hides their true selves from me because I’m a stupid dumb dumb and I don’t deserve friends. The logical part of my brain knows that’s BS, but it’s not the logical part of my brain driving in those moments. The logical part of me knows that there are cards that I keep close to my chest because not everyone needs to know everything about me all the time, and also because there are conversations that I just do not have the energy for. Again, some of this is simply a filter that I just didn’t possess when I was younger. I choose not to bring up particular topics with those who I know don’t see things that same as I do on specific issues (instead of running headfirst at full speed into conflict).
…on hiraeth
This is more of a loneliness in my soul. An aching for something I can’t name, a longing for something I’m missing that I’ve never had. I learned an old welsh word this week – hiraeth – that loosely translates into “a nostalgic longing for a place you’ve never been or something you’ve never had” which I think most closely matches up with my feeling.
On my to-do list…
So, our joy matters. And sometimes that joy looks like tuning in to my body and checking in what she can actually do today. Not yesterday, or tomorrow, or 20 years ago, or an imagined body that I’ve never had (that one is one of my favourites to pretend matters. “What would the perfect imaginary version of myself be able to do in perfect land?” I ask myself, and then beat myself up for failing from that. Because that’s reasonable.). But today, what am I actually capable of? Very often it doesn’t connect with my to-do list. Because my to-do list is never, ever done. There is always something new I’m forgetting, something fresh that needs my attention, or at the vey least a giant pile of old things that I “keep meaning to get to”.
…on waxing moon/fall/luteal energy
In conclusion, the patriarchy lied to you about how you “should” be able to work, and capitalism lied to you about what “productive activities” look like. The good news? You get to take your power back and you get to use the gifts of the earth to work smarter.
On summer/full moon energy…
The patriarchy is afraid of your power, or more specifically – patriarchal institutions are threatened by you USING your power. When we wake up to our wild, sexy, beautiful magnetism, we throw so many of the roles placed on us out the window. These are the days I walk with an extra sway in my hips, where I speak up in a conversation where someone says something that makes me uncomfortable, where I can say heck no or oh yes please with more ease. None of these things fit into the “good girl” narratives. None of these involve me making myself smaller, or diminishing myself to make someone else more comfortable. None of these involve me sacrificing myself on the alter of other people’s needs, and that can be threatening to systems that depend on me putting myself last.